The older I get my time becomes even more precious to me. Do you feel this way? When I meet someone new, and a friendship begins to develop, I quickly assess the person to discover if they are a good fit for me.
There are only four qualities that are very important to me. They are:
They must not be malicious gossipers.
We all chat about things and even people. I consider malicious and destructive gossip abhorrent. When this type of behavior is practiced, people can get hurt.
That is the clue. That kind of behavior can wreak havoc on relationships. I think this trait comes from deep insecurity of, I am not good enough, being jealous and envious.
These people tell everything, the good the bad, and the obnoxious and they expound upon the truth with lies. I prefer not to engage with anyone like that.
My friends must not be consumed with themselves.
A true narcissist is mentally ill. I prefer to say narcissist-leaning types. I do not want friends who are me, me, me, all the time. No one else matters. It’s all about their looks, their job, their car, their spouse, their home, and their children.
They are arrogant and jealous of others. They are not happy with others’ success. There is no place for this person in my life. My friends must own their stuff, their mistakes, and their shortcomings, and move on.
I appreciate my friends having a healthy relationship with money.
Our relationship with money was formed when we were children. We cannot blame our parents forever, and we have to get our act together about money. I want my friends to have a healthy and honest attitude about it. There are people who make a habit of leeching off others.
Most types of people like this are financially independent. This does not bother me as much as being a tightwad about money or thinking money can buy love or friendship. It can’t. Money is very important in our economy, we need it to pay rent, buy food and go to the doctor when we are sick.
Ponder this question, is money more important than your health? Money lost can be reclaimed. Sometimes health cannot be. I think having a healthy relationship with money can open you up to receiving more money.
This is a short story about me a friend and money. It also explains why I added money to this list. I had a friend I will call Ann. I had not known Ann very long, and I delighted in her energy to go after what she wanted.
I felt comfortable chatting with her about my goals and desires. I mentioned to Ann that I was making masks (this is during early COVID) for Ronda and me.
She asked me to make two for her. I told her my sewing machine needed a tune-up, and I would make the masks she needed and two more later at no charge. When I gave her the masks she gave me a card.
The card had $40.00 cash with a lovely note. I gave her the money back. She was so offended she has not forgiven me and had spoken to me only once since that event. She said I really hurt her. She did explain this is how she pays her friends.
I learned a valuable lesson from that experience. When someone gives me money, I take it. I need to be balanced, even when I say no payment is required. Does this mean they also expect payment when a favor is rendered?
Would they be offended if I did not pay? I do miss Ann’s friendship; however, the money issue is huge for her and me as well. I did ask her to forgive me for causing her pain. I too sadly pulled back from the relationship.
My friends are kind.
This trait surpasses all the others in importance to me. I judge if a person is kind by how they treat and talk to other people, and how they treat me, naturally, I will not tolerate mistreatment. People in my life are positive, honest, helpful, compassionate, humble, thoughtful, and forgiving.
Forgive themselves and others all the time. (Forgiving does not mean forgetting.) Don’t hold grudges, ever.
“Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world, no matter what you look like.” – Anonymous.
Maybe I am asking a lot of my friends, but I think not. I strive to be the friend I want. For me, at my age, either you are the person I want to be friends with, or you are not. There are no remaking people for me.
I am passing through time, and
I want to enjoy my life and my friends. I do know this one dear and true thing. Since I am older I have met some of the most fabulous friends, and looking forward to life.
The type of friends who, like me, have gone through life and know who they are and are not afraid to show it. These friends enrich my life in ways I could not fathom or make up.
I am so grateful for them, and I love them very much.
Give some serious thought to who you want in your life.
Honor yourself!