Why are you so hard on yourself? Have you ever wondered that? For more years than I care to recall I too, was extremely hard on myself. If I made a mistake, I could degrade myself all day or if I made a mis-judgement I was so afraid I would disappoint the people I care about. Living like that was so difficult.
It took me far too many years to learn self-compassion. I write this article for you so you may understand how to lighten up and be kind toward yourself. You already know how to be kind to another person, so this is not a new concept you have to discover.
What self-compassion is not?
- It is not self-pity which is poor me.
- It is not self-esteem, which is I am worthy.
- It is not selfish which is me first.
- It is not self-judgement which is beating yourself up.
People with self-compassion usually have self-esteem. People with self-esteem may not have self-compassion. I find this concept so interesting.
How to practice self-compassion
First, think about how you would be kind to a friend when they are in trauma or pain. What would you say to that friend, what would your tone sound like? Would you be harsh or gentle and loving? To be compassionate toward yourself, place your hand on your heart. Whisper soft and kind things to yourself as you would do a dear friend. Doing this will make you feel so much better faster and lead you on a journey toward less stress, long-term health and well-being.
Soon it will become a way of being in your life.
What you resist, persists. – Carl Jung
What else is a component of self-compassion?
- Self, constructive criticism is good. It can give you an edge and it is helpful not hurtful. Therefore, failure is the best teacher, especially if you embrace self-compassion with it.
- When you practice self-compassion you reduce stress and increase your feelings of safety and security.
- Mindfulness is a component of self-compassion. To be mindful is being aware you are suffering, hurt, in pain and concerned for your needs at this moment.
If you feel deprived, you may wonder how this came to be? Perhaps it goes back to your childhood. If your parents did not meet your needs, there is no reason you can’t fulfill those needs with gentle kindness.
If you are not kind to yourself, give it a try. The way you feel will encourage you to embrace it.
Honor yourself!