How did I get this far ahead in my life without realizing I hate confrontation, arguments and disagreements? What about you? How did we get this way and how can we find a way to disagree and not avoid confrontation. Disagreements are with us to stay and we must find a way to deal with this problem effectively.
My disliking confrontation came about when I was child. We all learn from our parents or people who raise us. My parents did not discuss problems, they augured about problems. As a child this did not feel good. As an adult I avoided confrontation until I learned how to give and take in a disagreement.
“ Let us move from the era of confrontation to the era of negotiation.” Unknown
For me, confrontation was in your face and uncomfortable. It was not until I witnessed a confrontation that was give and take that I realized this is what disagreements can be like.
You can think what you will about television however, it was while casually watching TV that I witnessed how truly disagreement can be productive and resolved. This scene was so important because I saw myself in both characters. One character not wanting to hear the truth and another character not wanting confrontation at any cost. I found this scene very interesting.
After watching this movie I felt over whelmed, I felt relieved, I felt grateful, I felt like succumbing to this truth and allowing it to change me in the ways I know it will if I allow it.
I feel it is important to document this experience so that it can help others with this problem as well.
It is imperative to know the reasons you may not want to confront others.
• Do you feel worthy of being right
• Do you fear the other persons anger
• Do you fear being out of control
• Are you a people pleaser
• Are you fearful of losing something important to you
• Are you concerned about discussing situations to those close to you or is this a problem with all disagreements.
• Are you wanting to protect yourself and others from their life lessons
Decide your reasons for not wanting to become involved when you disagree with someone. It is a part of every relationship, your significant other, your children, your boss and your friends. Learn how to disagree effectively and be ok with the outcome. This is a learned skill.
Look at others around you who do not have an issue talking about unpleasant things. How do they handle it? Can you immolate them?
“Confrontation should always leave a person’s dignity in-tact.” Dr. A.J. Anglin
You know this is not an effective way to go through your life. You can choose to carry the burdens or you can learn to discuss concerns and get a resolution that you and the other parties can live with.
What can you do to resolve confrontation issues?
• Look back honestly with your life and understand how these feelings evolved for you.
• If there is anger involved for you count to 10 or 20 and take several deep breaths in through your nose and out through pursed lips as if you are whistling. The deep breathing brings you back to your center and calms you down.
• Visualize yourself having a give and take disagreement with an effective outcome especially before the meeting.
• Do not let any disagreement fester. Deal with them as soon as possible.
• Go into a disagreement sincerely wanting a resolution.
• If you are dealing with a critical issue be willing to look at the issue in another way to get to a resolution.
• It is a good idea to lay the positives and negatives on the table and see where they settled. At this time you can come to a resolution that is practical and beneficial to all parties.
• Listen, listen and listen some more.
• Measure your words and be careful what you say. You cannot un-say any comment. The tongue can cut like a sword.
Having a disagreement is a part of all relationships and you do not have to be haughty or unkind to get your point across nor should you accept this behavior from others. You can come to an amicable agreement and be contented with the outcome. Work on this for yourself because it is a worthy goal that will enrich your life in untold ways.
Honor Yourself!