Being humans we have all done things we are not proud of. As a direct result of this we feel shame, stupidity and profoundly sorrowful. We don’t know how to get pass this point.
We feel there is no one to share this information with because there would be disappointment. That disappointment is not bearable. How to get pass this point in life?
You must forgive yourself.
Like most things it is simple, not easy but well worth the effort. Here are some tips to think about.
1. When you committed the act were you acting with the best information you had at the time. If this is true, acknowledge your mistake, apologize to the other person and ask for their forgiveness.
2. Did you deliberately intend to cause injury to another person? If so there may be a character defect that requires work on your behalf to correct. If this is true, get professional help.
3. Take responsibility for your choices. Trying to defend what you did could be empty. When you admit you made a bad decision you are learning lessons from this experience. The chances of repeating the mistake is minimal. As a result of this you become stronger because of what you lived through.
4. We hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. This part of our belief system. Now is the time to ask you an honest question? Why do I think I should not be allowed to make a mistake when I can forgive others for the mistakes they make. Be brutally honest when answering this question of you. The answer might surprise you.
5. The past is gone. The present moment is all you have. If you cannot forgive yourself for a past failure you are constantly thinking about it, reliving it and keeping it alive. This moment is perfect, take a deep breath, and accept that you are human.
Forgiving others can be easy if you can forgive yourself for the mistakes you make. Here are a few points to ponder. Forgiving the person that has done you an injustice allows you to move forward with your life. Alan Paton says, “When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.”
1. Realize that your distress comes from hurt feelings and thoughts. These actions could have happened yesterday or 25 years ago. If you have not forgiven the person who committed the act you are still feeling the result of those actions today. This means you are stuck in the past.
2. Forgiveness does not mean you think the person does not have to pay for what they did to you or that you are letting them off the hook, your forgiving them allows you to move forward with your life. If you do not forgive it is like taking small doses of poison each time you relive the event. The event will destroy you not the person who perpetrated it upon you.
3. Forgiving another is not a gift you give to them it is a wonderful gift you give to yourself. Ask yourself how much of your life’s time and energy do I intend to devote to this matter. If you decide not another moment then…. it is done. When it pops in your head replace that thought with pleasant thought. Decide to wish that person well and release it.
Robert Fuller said this: “ Forgiveness is the highest most beautiful for of love, in return you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
You have a choice.
A bitter spiteful mind-set creates bitterness for you and makes your betrayer victorious. You have a choice. If you do not choose forgiveness there are serious consequences. Each time you relive the event those negative pent-up feelings and emotions return.
You hold onto hurt feelings, resentment, anger and betrayal and most important the chances of a serious illness as a result of these negative pent up emotions are very real.
Take your power back.
Make peace with anyone who has done you wrong. Love partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, your boss or anyone else. It may not be easy but the rewards have a profound and long lasting positive effect on your life.
Live free of bondage. Honor yourself!